One of the many conundrums in life has recently begun to amuse me is the phrase:
“Act your age”
Recently, I began to think about that statement and what it actually said and now says to me. Now, I think you will begin to look at it differently, as well.
- I am my age = Yes
- I am acting = Always
Therefore, by definition: I am acting my age
Yet somehow when people say it, they mean something very different than what I have recently begun believing.
What the other believe they are really saying to me is: “Act the way I think someone your age should act”
Herein lies the conundrum as I blog…
The Problem with Invisible Guidelines
I spend my days navigating invisible and ever adapting rulebooks. At certain times and ages, society seems to have placed expectations of me that may or may not be clearly defined.
- When I should stop going to amusement parks
- When I should stop loving roller coasters
- When I should dress differently
- When I should stop playing video games
- When I should start eating tomatoes or mayonnaise
The interesting thing is that nobody agrees on the rules for each of these things in advance of making a judgement.
One individual may think fifty is too young to stop being a kid-at-heart.
- Another may think fifty is old to change and that I am a lost cause already.
One individual may see seventy as the beginning of a new chapter.
- Another may see seventy as the beginning of the end.
These expectations placed on me by others always seem to be less about age and more about the opinions of whoever is speaking at the moment.
Am I Ever Acting My Age?
When I was a teenager, adults told me I would understand things when I got older. Then I became older and just started telling kids the same thing, without additional evidence. It turned out that many of those adults were still trying to figure life out themselves as I am an adult myself.
As I have aged, one realization keeps returning: Most adults are simply older children carrying more responsibilities.
- The toys change
- The concerns change
- The stakes change
For me in that situation, curiosity, insecurities, ambitions, fears, and aspirations often remain surprisingly similar to when I was a kid myself.
As a child I wanted the newest bicycle.
- Then as an adult that want has switched to the newest car.
As a child I worried about fitting in at school.
- Then as an adult that worry about fitting in at work.
As a child I wondered what to be when I grew up
- Then as an adult I now wonder what to be when I retire.
The packaging changes of each of those do not change but the fundamental question often does not.
Celebrated Contradictions
Another conundrum is that we often admire people for doing things that seem to violate age expectations.
We celebrate:
- Awesome: The seventy-year-old who starts running marathons.
- Fantastic: The retiree who learns a new language.
- Cool: The grandmother who becomes a social media sensation.
- Daring: The grandfather who takes up skydiving.
- Encouraging: The executive who goes back to college.
Nobody says: “You shouldn’t do that. You should act your age.”
Instead, we call these people inspirational. Apparently, acting your age is only a problem when someone is doing something we personally would not do.
The Age Audit
I will now occasionally perform what I dubbed an “age audit.” Not of my actual age but of my assumptions about age.
That will include questions like these.
- What experiences have I stopped pursuing?
- What risks am I avoiding because of impression others may have?
- What have I convinced myself I am too old to learn?
- What opportunities am I postponing because I think I should already grasped them?
Age vs. Maturity
To make matters more messed up, age and maturity are not the same thing. We all know people who are young and incredibly mature. We also know people who have been adults for decades and appear to be committed to avoiding maturity entirely.
- Age is automatic: measured by a calendar
- Maturity is optional: measured by choices
Commingling the two creates all sorts of misunderstandings.
The Real Goal
Perhaps my new objective in life is not to “act my age.” Perhaps, the objective is for me to act appropriately for the situation while remaining authentic to myself.
- There will be moments that requires discipline.
- There will be moments that requires professionalism.
- There will be moments that requires responsibility.
There will also be moments that deserve enthusiasm, curiosity, humor, and playfulness regardless of how many birthdays we have accumulated. If growing older requires abandoning everything that makes my life enjoyable, then I suspect I may politely decline the offer.
My Conclusion
The phrase “act your age” sounds simple but becomes surprisingly complicated when examined closely. Like many common expressions, it often carries assumptions that deserve a second look. I would rather focus on questions that seem more useful:
- Am I learning?
- Am I growing?
- Am I contributing?
- Am I enjoying the journey?
- Am I becoming a better version of myself?
If the answers are generally yes, then I am not overly concerned whether my behavior aligns with someone else’s age-based expectations.
After all, I am my age.
And I am acting.
That sounds like acting my age to me.