The Nemesis of Your Nemesis Is Not Always Your Friend

I am guessing that we’ve all heard the old adage, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” It sounds as though it has a base in rational thought, it may even appear to be a bit comforting in some cases. This is because we all like to have people on our side and not on theirs. If someone opposes the same adversary you do, surely you might believe that they’re on your side, correct? This is not quite an ideal in every situation or all places in time. Our world and this reality is far more nuanced, and this assumption can lead to unexpected consequences that I explore within this blog.

Why This Idea Persists

From a tally of my life experiences, I have noticed that people crave alliances and enjoy taking sides. And the Internet tells me people do as well. In times of contention, people often look for common ground even if it is surface only. Shared opposition feels like a strong foundation, provided we do not investigate further or look under the surface. History and politics are full of examples where temporary partnerships are formed against a common foe. But these coalitions often crumble once the immediate threat disappears.

The Hidden Complexity

The nemesis of your nemesis may share your short-term goal, but that doesn’t mean they share your eternal values, ultimate vision, or life-long interests.

Their motives might be

  • Self-serving: They oppose your enemy for reasons that benefit them, not you
  • Conflicting: Their ultimate goals may clash with yours, creating future tension
  • Unpredictable: Once the common adversary is gone, they might turn against you or at a minimum show their “true colors”

Analogy

Think of it like two predator species out in the wild hunting the same prey for sustenance. They may cooperate briefly, but once the prey is gone, they’re back to competing for dominance and perhaps one of the predators might hunt the other.

Example: In the Southern Ocean off Africa, orcas, large sharks, and sperm whales create a fascinating dynamic of shifting alliances. All three are apex predators, and none can easily dominate the other two alone. Orcas are highly intelligent and hunt in coordinated pods, sharks rely on stealth and power, and sperm whales bring sheer size and defensive strength. When a large shark threatens a sperm whale calf, orcas may join forces with the whale to drive the shark away, in an alliance of convenience. But the balance flips when food is scarce: orcas have been documented attacking sperm whale calves, and sharks will scavenge or strike vulnerable whales. In other scenarios, orcas and sharks may cooperate briefly to exploit a feeding opportunity, only to turn on each other once the advantage disappears. It’s a brutal chess game of survival, where temporary partnerships form and dissolve based on who the common threat is.

Does that sound like any three groups around the world to you? Note that in the comments below…

Business Rivalries

Two companies might unite to challenge a market leader, only to become fierce competitors later.

Example: Apple and Samsung are classic examples. While they are fierce competitors in the smartphone market, Apple relies on Samsung for critical components like OLED displays and memory chips. This “coopetition” allows both to benefit in the short term, but their rivalry remains intense, with frequent legal battles and marketing wars. Another example is the historic rivalry between Coca-Cola and Pepsi, where both companies have occasionally mirrored each other’s strategies to challenge the other’s dominance, only to return to fierce competition once the immediate threat is addressed.

Workaround Suggestion: Before forming alliances, clarify the scope and duration of the partnership. Establish clear boundaries and exit strategies and ensure that sensitive information is protected. Treat the alliance as a temporary, strategic move rather than a permanent friendship.

Geopolitics

Nations often form coalitions during wars, but post-war negotiations reveal deep ideological divides.

Example: The Allied Powers in World War II (United States, United Kingdom, Soviet Union, France, and China) united to defeat the Axis Powers. However, after the war, deep ideological differences between the US and the Soviet Union led to the Cold War, a period of intense rivalry and suspicion.

Workaround Suggestion: When forming coalitions, maintain open communication about long-term goals and values. Prepare for the possibility that today’s ally may become tomorrow’s rival. Build flexibility into agreements and avoid over-reliance on any single partner.

Personal Life

Aligning with someone against a mutual foe can backfire when their methods or ethics don’t align with yours.

Example: A personal story shared in an article describes someone who stood up for a friend during a conflict with another group. Initially, this strengthened their friendship, but over time, it led to isolation from the larger community and increased animosity from others. The alliance, based on a shared adversary, ultimately backfired when the friend’s approach and values diverged from the person’s own.

Workaround Suggestion: Before aligning with someone against a mutual foe, reflect on whether your values and methods truly align. Consider the broader impact on your relationships and reputation. If in doubt, maintain neutrality or seek to resolve the underlying conflict rather than taking sides.

Psychological Drivers Behind Alliance Formation

Humans are wired to seek safety in numbers, especially when facing threats. The instinct to form alliances, even with unlikely partners, can be traced to evolutionary psychology. When survival is at stake, the lines between friend and foe blur, and pragmatic decisions often override idealistic ones. This tendency is reinforced by social proof: seeing others join forces against a common adversary makes the alliance seem more legitimate, even if it’s only temporary.

Workaround Suggestion: Recognize your own biases toward alliance formation. Before committing, pause and analyze whether the partnership is based on genuine alignment or simply fear and urgency.

Case Study: Technology Partnerships Gone Awry

In the tech industry, companies often collaborate to set standards or develop new platforms. However, once the initial goal is achieved, former partners may become fierce competitors, using shared knowledge to gain an edge. The Open Handset Alliance, which brought together Google and various hardware manufacturers to promote Android, eventually saw fragmentation as partners pursued their own interests.

Workaround Suggestion: When collaborating on technology, establish clear intellectual property agreements and plan for post-collaboration competition.

Navigating Alliances in Social Movements

Activists and advocacy groups sometimes unite against a common policy or injustice. While this can amplify their impact, differences in ideology or strategy may surface once the immediate goal is reached. These splits can weaken the movement and confuse supporters.

Workaround Suggestion: Foster open dialogue about long-term visions and values from the outset. Build coalitions on shared principles, not just shared enemies.

How to Navigate This

Instead of blindly trusting the nemesis of your nemesis, first ask them:

  • What are their true motives?
  • Do our long-term goals align?
  • What happens when the common enemy is gone?

Strategic thinking means preparing for the day when alliances shift. Temporary cooperation can be useful but never mistake it for permanent friendship.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Before you leap into an alliance with the nemesis of your nemesis, pause and take a hard look at the landscape. The allure of a shared adversary can cloud judgment, making it easy to overlook critical details that could later come back to haunt you. Strategic partnerships, especially those forged in the heat of conflict, require more than just a handshake and a common goal. These situations demand self-awareness, foresight, and a clear-eyed assessment of risks and rewards.

(1) Start by clarifying your ideal outcome

What do you truly want to achieve, and does your potential ally share that vision? Temporary alignment on a single issue doesn’t guarantee long-term compatibility. If your goals diverge once the dust settles, the alliance may quickly unravel, leaving you exposed or even worse off than before the alliance. Take time to articulate your objectives and compare them honestly with those of your would-be partner.

(2) Next, consider the risks if the alliance dissolves

What happens if your partner turns on you, or if circumstances change and the common enemy disappears? Alliances built on convenience rather than trust can be fragile. Protect your interests by setting boundaries, keeping sensitive information close, and planning for worst-case scenarios. Reputation is another asset at stake when aligning with someone whose values or methods clash with yours can damage your standing in your community or industry.

(3) Exit strategies are essential

Don’t enter any partnership without a clear plan for how to disengage if things do not go as planned. Whether it’s a formal agreement, a phased collaboration, or simply a mutual understanding, make sure you know how to walk away without burning bridges or losing leverage. Flexibility is key; the ability to pivot or withdraw gracefully can save you from unnecessary fallout.

(4) Finally, think about the ripple effects

Who else will be impacted by your alliance? Colleagues, friends, customers, or stakeholders may have opinions or concerns about your choice of partners. Consider the broader consequences and think, will your temporary partnership inspire confidence, or introduce distrust with others? By evaluating these factors up front, you’ll be better equipped to make alliances that serve your interests without unintended consequences.

Aside: Enemy Mine

A Sci-Fi Lesson in Unlikely Alliances

The 1985 science fiction film “Enemy Mine” explores the complexities of alliance and empathy through the story of a human pilot and an alien soldier stranded together on a hostile planet. Forced to cooperate to survive, the two adversaries gradually overcome their mutual distrust and form a deep friendship, challenging the notion that shared enemies automatically make for lasting allies. The film’s narrative highlights how understanding and respect can emerge from even the most unlikely partnerships, echoing the cautionary themes of your blog.

Learn more about the film’s plot, production, and legacy on its Wikipedia page. [en.wikipedia.org]

Closing Thought

In a world driven by complex interests, loyalty isn’t guaranteed by shared opposition. The nemesis of your nemesis might be your ally today… but tomorrow… they could be your greatest threat with you aligning with another nemesis of a different shared nemesis.

Citations

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