There is a question I keep coming back to, and honestly, I am at a loss when it comes to the true answer to it.
The loss comes because rules change daily as to what is allowed and what is not, with only those making the rule changes being in the know. Everyone else that the rules apply to need to find out later or as soon as someone decides the rules need to change in their favor.
What happens if I suggest a TV show, movie, podcast, album, or some other form of entertainment to a coworker, and that person later decides that part of its content was offensive to them?
- Was it my fault that they chose to watch it or listen to it?
- Am I somehow responsible for their experience caused by their decision?
- Did they have a choice to opt out of a recommendation?
- Can I be judged or written up simply because I suggested it?
These questions seem increasingly complicated in today’s world.
A Recommendation Is Not an Endorsement
When I recommend entertainment, I am usually recommending it because I found it entertaining, thought-provoking, creative, funny, dramatic, or well-produced. That does not mean I agree with everything that appears in it!
For example, some of the most popular and critically acclaimed television shows ever created are built around people breaking the law. Criminals, antiheroes, corrupt officials, flawed individuals, and morally questionable decisions are often at the center of compelling stories. If I tell someone that I enjoyed one of those shows, does that mean I support the behavior of the characters? Of course, I hope they do not take it that way!
The same principle applies to language. Some of the best television shows, movies, and songs contain profanity, including words that would never be considered appropriate in a workplace. If I mention that a show is well-written or enjoyable, I am not using those words myself nor am I encouraging anyone else to use them. I am not saying I want my coworkers exposed to them and I certainly do not condone inappropriate workplace language.
In this case, I am simply acknowledging that a piece of entertainment exists and that I thought it was worth a watch or listen.
The Viewer or Listener Still Has a Choice
Something else that confuses me is the idea that a recommendation somehow removes personal choice. When someone suggests a restaurant, I can decide whether to eat there. When someone recommends a book, I can choose whether to read it. When someone tells me about a TV show, movie, or album, I still have the ability to say no and not spend my money to indulge.
The recommendation is just information… as in nearly every case, people have access to ratings, reviews, summaries, trailers, parental guidance information, content warnings, and countless online discussions before they ever dish over their cash or press play. The decision to engage with the content remains their own.
That does not mean people should never be sensitive when making recommendations. It is reasonable to consider the audience and to avoid knowingly suggesting content that may be harmful or upsetting to someone because of their age. It also seems reasonable to recognize that adults generally have agency over the choices they make regarding entertainment and where they spend their money.
The Ratings Question
This becomes even more complicated when discussing content that carries ratings such as PG-13, R, or A (Adult) classifications. Suppose I tell someone that a certain R-rated movie is excellent… Am I endorsing every scene’s content in that movie? Am I approving of every idea, every word, every action, every reaction, or every creative decision within the content? I do not think so.
I am not condoning the content by recommending it as much as I am not encouraging anyone to imitate it. I am not expressing approval of every element within it, I am simply saying that I found the entertainment itself entertaining. The distinction seems important.
People often consume stories for many reasons beyond agreement. They may appreciate the acting, cinematography, writing, music, historical themes, character development, humor, suspense, or emotional impact. Finding value in a piece of entertainment does not automatically mean endorsing every message, behavior, or moment contained within it.
Where Should Responsibility End?
This is where I struggle most. If someone voluntarily chooses to watch something after a recommendation and later decides parts of it are offensive, where does responsibility begin and end?
Should the person who gave the recommendation be held accountable for every reaction another person may have? Should we assume that recommending a work means endorsing every aspect of it? Should we recognize that entertainment is often complex, imperfect, and sometimes intentionally provocative? I do not have a perfect answer, which is why I have the question!
What I do know is that recommending entertainment has always seemed different from endorsing every idea found within it. To me, saying “I enjoyed that show” is not the same as saying “I support everything in that show.” Saying “that movie was entertaining” is not the same as saying “everyone should agree with its content.”
Retroactive Standards
Part of what makes this topic difficult for me is that it sometimes feels like people are not just evaluating the recommendation itself but are instead applying new standards after the recommendation has already been made.
I discussed this idea previously, that the rules of engagement should be established before the engagement begins. Whether we are talking about sports, contracts, workplaces, or social interactions, people generally rely on the standards that exist at the time they act. When those standards change afterward, the evaluation of past behavior can become confusing and, in some cases, feel unfair.
A recommendation is often made based on the information, expectations, and norms that exist at the moment it is given. If I recommend a movie, television show, podcast, or album today, my recommendation is being made under today’s understanding of what that recommendation means. To me, I am simply saying that I found value, entertainment, creativity, humor, or insight in the work. I am not attempting to sign a blanket endorsement for every line of dialogue, every action, every word, every character decision, every theme, or every scene.
The challenge arises when a recommendation is later judged by standards that were never part of the original conversation. If a person initially accepts that a recommendation is merely a suggestion, consumes the content voluntarily, and only afterward decides that recommending it should be treated as endorsing every aspect of it, then the nature of the agreement has effectively changed after the fact.
That is what reminds me of the concept of “moving the goalposts.”
- The recommendation was made under one understanding: “I am suggesting something I found worthwhile.”
- Later the suggester is evaluated under a different understanding: “By suggesting it, you approved of everything contained within it.”
If those two standards are not the same, then the criteria used to judge the recommendation changed after the recommendation was already made. This does not mean standards should never evolve as people learn, cultures change, and social expectations shift over time. However, it seems more reasonable to apply new expectations prospectively rather than retroactively.
For me, the issue is less about whether someone is permitted to be offended and more about whether it is fair to redefine the meaning of a recommendation after the recommendation has already been made.
Final Thoughts
Maybe this is why I find the topic so difficult and why I am always fearful in today’s society. I am at a loss when it comes to drawing the line between a recommendation and an endorsement. Entertainment often contains difficult themes, criminal behavior, offensive language, controversial viewpoints, or mature content yet many of the works considered classics contain exactly those elements.
When I recommend something, I usually make a statement about my experience with it, not a declaration of approval for every aspect of it. In the end, entertainment recommendations seem like invitations rather than commands. People still have the freedom to accept or decline them, to continue or stop, to pay or not to pay, to indulge or not indulge, and most importantly form their own conclusions.
Perhaps that distinction is worth remembering before we judge someone simply for saying, “I thought it was a good show.”