If you’ve read some of my blogs, you’ve probably noticed a recurring theme within them. I place a high value on learning-new and improving-on my habits, routines, systems, and discipline. Some people view that approach as rigid, and others say it is useless or meaningless. Some people even say it as boring while a few have even suggested that life should be more spontaneous and that change does not matter.
I understand their perspective and appreciate that it is different than mine. That said, after literal decades of personal and professional experience, I’ve come to a different conclusion.
Resistance is futile… as that movie so perfectly denotes!
This is not because we lack free will as a member of the people on Earth today. It is also not because life is predetermined, but because certain realities are simply undefeated over the long term.
One can resist these realities for a day, a week, a month, or maybe even a few years. That said, eventually, they win.
Take Gravity for Example, It Always Wins
If one stops exercising, their body notices that gravity may be winning more battles. If one stops maintaining their finances, their credit score notices the change. If one stops contributing to their relationships, the people around them notice pretty quickly. If one stops learning, their brain may take a few steps backwards.
As a reminder, these aren’t punishments, they are simply consequences they we cannot ignore any more. Nature does not negotiate, as the laws of physics do not care about our intentions, hopes, or wishes!
- The calendar does not stop because we’re busy.
- The bill collector does not care that we wanted to pay.
I have begun to learn that “resistance may delay reality, but it does not eliminate it.”
A Myth: Motivation
One of the biggest mistakes that I have noticed myself making is waiting to feel motivated before taking action. I have written before about procrastination, routines, morning habits, discipline, and personal improvement with a common thread behind all of them. That commonality is that motivation is an unreliable business partner. This is because some days I feel energized and some days I don’t.
- Some days I wake up ready to conquer the world.
- Some days I’d rather stay in bed and watch some TV.
I have noticed that the people who almost consistently achieve their goals are not necessarily the most motivated. They are the people who built systems that function even when motivation is taking the day off. A routine doesn’t ask how we feel today, it simply asks whether we’re going to execute or not.
Every Day We Get to Vote
I often think of habits as votes for results or change in my life, well and others’ lives too. Every action casts a small vote for the type of person we want to become or are at that moment.
- Skipping one workout isn’t a disaster.
- Eating one unhealthy meal isn’t life changing.
- Missing one blog post won’t destroy a writing career.
So, what happens when those votes accumulate? We they do, we are constantly creating evidence for our future identity. We become these things by repeatedly casting votes in that specific direction.
- We don’t become organized overnight.
- We don’t become healthy overnight.
- We don’t become successful overnight.
Likewise, we can vote against ourselves just as easily and the results eventually arrive, whether we intend them or not.
Small Resistance Becomes Large Resistance
The funny thing about resistance, for me, is that it tends to grow.
- The task I avoided today is usually harder for me to get started or attend to tomorrow.
- The clutter I ignored last night becomes a larger cleanup project over the weekend.
- The maintenance I skipped last week becomes a repair later.
- The conversation I did not want to have today often becomes a conflict the next time it needs to happen.
I see that life rewards early attention and many of my personal routines exist for this exact reason… though I am still learning this lesson, daily!
- I don’t clean because I enjoy cleaning.
- I don’t organize because I enjoy organizing.
- I don’t vacuum because it excites me.
I do these things because I have learned that small, consistent effort is far less painful for me than large, delayed efforts.
The Borg Were Right… Sort Of
Science fiction fans, like me, may recognize the phrase “Resistance is futile” from Star Trek and the Borg.
Of course, I’m using the phrase a bit differently within this blog. The Borg represented forced conformity and assimilation. I’m talking about voluntary alignment with the reality of our world today and that reality has rules such as the following items.
- Time passes
- People age
- Seasons change
- Skills deteriorate when neglected
- Relationships require attention
- Health requires maintenance
- Goals require action
One can fight these truths if they wish to but eventually, reality collects on any associated debt. The sooner that knowledge is accepted the sooner we can start working with the ‘current’ instead of swimming against it.
Building Routines That Remove Resistance
One reason I value routines so highly is that they reduce decision fatigue related to change. When something becomes habitual, the internal debate about what to do nearly disappears. One then doesn’t wake up every morning and begin to negotiate whether they are going to brush their teeth… they just do it.
The best routines work the same way, once we work through the resistance.
- They remove unnecessary choices.
- They reduce friction.
- They make the desired behavior easier than the undesirable alternative.
The goal of this whole thing isn’t perfection, but consistency and clarity. A routine that works 80% of the time is obviously infinitely better than a perfect system that never gets applied.
My Personal Reality Check
Whenever I find myself resisting something, I’ve learned to ask myself the following question.
“What in this reality am I combatting?”
- Am I resisting cleaning because I’m just going to get it dirty again?
- Am I resisting organization because it feels tedious?
- Am I resisting a difficult conversation because it makes me uncomfortable?
In many cases, the task itself isn’t the core of the issue for me. I’m resisting the discomfort associated with action, not the action. Once I recognize that, the decision becomes easier for me to make though sometimes my decision is to purposefully avoid the action.
The discomfort of the change is usually temporary with the benefit often long term.
Final Thoughts
The older I get, and I am getting older daily, the more I realize that success is rarely about huge moments in time. Successes are usually about the results of mundane actions repeated consistently, through routines after working through resistance.
Waking up à Show up à Do the work à Repeat
- Maintain the relationship
- Take care of my health
- Manage my finances
- Learn something new
I am sure that everyone resists these fundamentals for a while but eventually, reality wins every argument. That’s why I’ve come to believe that when it comes to habits, routines, discipline, and personal growth:
Resistance is Futile
That is not because we are powerless, but because the sooner we stop fighting reality, the sooner reality starts working for us.